Female Friend: "So wait...you had the chance to squeeze his butt, and you didn't?"

Velvet Roper: "The timing was off; it wasn't meant to be."

FF: "That's like saying you had a gun to Hitler's head, but forgot to pull the trigger."

VR: "Hang on, you're equating Zac Efron's butt - to Hitler?"

FF: "Yeah but in like, the hottest way possible"

Reflecting on our inability to execute, it was time for a drink—something we could have used during the shower sex scenes recently endured during the screening (Spoiler: They gave Efron a back tattoo. Sorry ladies)

Drink in hand we back away from the bar, landing ourselves right in the court of the king: Tony Freakin' Danza.

Having skipped the movie for a night class he's been taking, The Brooklyn Bomber pleaded with us for a brief synopsis, which we all too happily obliged:

VR: "Ok, so look, all you really need to know is: marine, shower scene, dogs, dickhead sheriff."

Tony Danza: "Ok, ok. Gotta make it seem like I was there. What do you think of Zac?"

VR: "The guy seems to be beating women off with a stick"

TD: "Hey man, you might not know this but there was a time when I was beating women off with a stick." As he said this, two women walk over to Danza, hands extended, giggling with excitement—the dude still has it. "It was different back then though," he continues, "Nobody had AIDS, everyone was on the pill...man it was a total free-for-all."

Hold us closer, Tony Danza.