Of all the recognizable names that were expected to attend the Maxim Hot 100 party at The Gallery at Dream Downtown last night, one stood above the rest: Bill Bellamy. Yes, The Observer was eager to see Bar Refaeli in the flesh, and yes, we were curious to witness this Jenni “JWOWW” Farley lady with our very own eyes. But we were equally as keen to meet Bill Bellamy, for surely the star of Def Jam’s How to be a Player could teach us not only how to meet Mesdames Refaeli and Farley, but also show us how to charm and woo them and who knows what else.
For this was the first year that Maxim allowed its readers, the predominantly male and (presumably) Axe-wearing demographic, to select the lad mag’s 100 hottest females, and judging by the initial list, some of these readers need to ditch the 4Loko goggles. Nearly all the selections, like Ms. Refaeli and Arianny Celeste, were commendable. But JWOWW? Abby Elliott? Nasim Pedrad is prettier and funnier than the two of them combined.
While standing at the red carpet inside Dream Downtown last night, Maxim’s Editor-in-Chief Dan Bova explained to us the process.
“We put up about 150 names for guys to vote on, we also gave a write-in slot,” said Mr. Bova. “We took the reader vote into consideration — of course, in the end, we’re the experts.”
Were than any write-in candidates that raised a collective eyebrow from the Maxim staff? we asked.
“There was a transexual from Thailand who got an awful, huge amount of votes,” said Mr. Bova. “That one didn’t seem to jive with the rest of the list.”
Fear not, readers: A penis still managed to make it into the Maxim 100 for the first time in its history. Stephen Colbert, host of The Colbert Report, was ranked #69, thanks to a fervent fanbase that tirelessly submitted his name to the Maxim editors.
“I think it was the most apropos number for Mr. Colbert, who is a very beautiful person inside and out,” said Mr. Bova.
Standing outside the red carpet was a trio of uniformed men from the Coast Guard, who were enjoying a complimentary drink and a clear view of April Rose, a towering model who was showing her gams in a short-cut dress as she conducted red-carpet interviews for Maxim.
We asked them if the hotel was inviting servicemen in town for Fleet Week to come and take a gander at all the pretty gals?
“They picked us up, like, for being good-looking,” joked Cameron Lynch, 23.
The men, who are stationed in Boston, Massachussets, work on a 270-foot medium endurance cutter. We asked if they ever had the chance to read Maxim.
“Absolutely! We subscribe on the boat,” said Mr. Lynch.
Inside the gallery, a good number of bros in suits and women wearing dresses tighter than a Faja stood around helping themselves to complimentary Ruffles chips (some of them topped with tuna tartar, which, aesthetically-speaking, looked just wrong) and Stolichnaya Vodka drinks. We approached a pair of pretty Norwegian girls and asked if they could make any magazine’s hot list, which magazine would it be?
“Probably Vogue, even Maxim,” said Eline Johansen, 23, who originally hails from Oslo. “Here, a Maxim girl looks good.”
If someone approached you and offered to put you in a Maxim photoshoot, complete with milk and torn clothing, would you do it? we wondered. “I don’t know, I wouldn’t do it,” said Ms. Johansen.
At the far end of the party we spotted Rebecca Mader, a ravishing ginger who appeared in Lost and Fringe. She had been named #67 on the list, just two spots ahead of Mr. Colbert.
“If Stephen Colbert beat me on the list, I would shoot myself in the fucking face,” said Ms. Mader.
Next to her was JWOWW, who was sandwiched between two tiny pale men dressed in baggy suits. We asked JWOWW if we could ask her a quick question. Through her security guard, we were informed that JWOWW already answered all her questions on the red carpet. Nasim Pedrad would totally not do that to us.
Neither would Bar Refaeli, the hottest girl in the world, according to Maxim (and our own eyes). We found her sitting on a sofa next to two attractive friends of hers from her native home in Israel, with a security staff keeping the bro-wolves at a safe distance.
What’s it feel like to be the hottest girl in the world in the eyes of hormonal lads everywhere? we asked her, after we were allowed to sit next to her by invitation from her manager.
“A title like this is something that I will always remember, I will tell my grandchildren about it,” said Ms. Refaeli.
Do you think there’s any validation in being officially hotter than Mr. Colbert? we asked.
“To me it’s a compliment,” said Ms. Refaeli. “I don’t think it’s validation, because my validation comes from different things, not from being hot or sexy or anything like that.”
Outside the Refaeli encampment, a group of men gawked at her and her friends.
“Is Bar the blonde one or the brunette in the pink dress?” one of the men asked us. She’s the blonde. The one in the pink dress is her friend from Israel, we replied.
“Holy shit, dude. Israelis are hot,” said the man.
We walked around the party, curious to see if Mr. Bellamy arrived. We could not find him, but we did run into celebrity chef Todd English, who was standing next to two Maxim-esque women while enjoying a beverage.
Do you read Maxim? we asked Mr. English.
“Of course, it’s a respectable Playboy,” said Mr. English.
If you had your choice between dating a Playmate or a Maxim girl, which one would you choose? we asked him.
“I would definitely say a Maxim girl,” said Mr. English.
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