Tinsley Mortimer is an American socialite whose Wikipedia page describes her as a descendant of “Thomas Jefferson (on her mother’s side) and relatives of Patrick Henry and James Madison (on her father’s side).” She has written a tidy little roman à clef titled Southern Charm, and last night, as International Workers’ Day came to a close, she celebrated its release with a party.
At 6:15AM the day prior, Tinsley, daughter of real estate speculator George Mercer Jr., slept soundly while six NYPD officers broke down the door of Occupy Wall Street protestor Zachary Dempster’s Bushwick apartment with a warrant to arrest his roommate for a six-year-old open container violation: a thinly veiled attempt to interrogate the two on activities planned for May Day.
On the morning of Tinsley’s book launch, police in riot gear lined up in front of the Bank of America building on W. 42nd Street as protesters gathered. CBS News spoke to a young protester, Julian Kilner, who stated that the protesters’ main issue with the banking giant was “how many people the Bank of America foreclosed on as a result of predatory lending.”
Nearby, at 1211 Ave of the Americas, the Wall Street Journal and Fox News received copies of the same letter that also met the hands of Mayor Michael Bloomberg, its message simple, vague:
“Happy May Day”
This is a reminder that you are not in control. Just in case you needed some incentive to stop working.
Tinsley, scion of an American dynasty, did not comply with this directive. There were Lauderée macarons to be picked up, boxes of champagne to be dealt with, flowers to be arranged, hair to be done, nails to be lacquered, interviews to be tackled, and books to be signed. May 1st would be her day.
Finding our way to the (admittedly beautiful) event at Castle & Pierpont was near impossible. At every turn we found a street blocked off, cars static, police in contrapposto, protest signs whipping the air into a frenzy. The road to Tinsley’s party was an uphill battle in the middle of an Occupy Wall Street war. Finally arriving at the Ludlow Street space, we made a beeline to the bar. Gin, soda, rocks.
Overhearing a guest who wished to remain nameless, we learned what effect the heirs (but not descendants) of Jefferson were having on the Upper East Side: “Oh my god it was terrible, I mean I had a driver coming down, but it took us nearly half an hour with all those damn hippies marching. It’s like, give up losers…we’re sick of you stinking up our city.”
Thomas Jefferson said: “I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just.”
Just then two professional looking film crews charged in, thrusting their foamy robotic phalluses into Tinsley’s face, forcing Malik So-Chic, Tinsley’s former co-star on High Society, to ogle her spotlight from a safe distance. We were unsurprised to find the setting typically Tinsley: manicured, primped, coated in lavender tones, layered thick with sugary treats–the Marie Antoinette parallel was almost uncanny.
“Let them eat macarons!” we desperately wanted her to say.
As of this morning, you could find the book positioned at #3,489 on the Amazon bestseller list, and for sale both in stores and online.
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