Kelly Cutrone, Bryanboy, Tyra Banks, Rob Evans and Johnny Wujek pose for the premiere of America's Next Top Model: College Edition (Patrick McMullan)

The Observer was in a green room at the Tribeca Grand Hotel, sitting on a small couch with Tyra Banks to talk about America's Next Top Model: College Edition. We were sweating bullets; up close, the 38-year-old diva is larger than life and, ironically, much more attractive than she appears on her show. Maybe because she was smiling at us. She looked relaxed and happy, but we stayed tense, ready to bolt if she started her signature tough-love approach: yelling at us for not being fierce enough, or shaking her head in disgusted disappointment that we haven't lived up to her expectations.

After a moment of silence, we finally cleared our throats and apologized for being terrified.

Ms. Banks laughed.

"Oh, but that's just a thing," the retired supermodel told us. "That's a character."

"The sad thing is that this character I've created just happens to have my name," Ms. Banks continued. "She has my name, she has my face, but she's not me. I mentor girls in real life, I mentor supermodels from Vogue, and we'll sit around on my couch, put our feet up, and I'll never tell them, 'You're not fierce,' or, 'You're not smiling with your eyes.'"

Kelly Cutrone of People's Revolution offered a similar explanation for her reputation as a taskmaster. "You know what they say, the meaner you are on TV, the nicer you are in real life. And the nicer you are on TV, the meaner you are in real life," she said.

We don't know who exactly "they" are, since we have never heard of this particular idiom before, but it is true that Ms. Banks and especially Ms. Cutrone both seemed genuinely nice, unguarded and relaxed, a feat especially hard to pull off in a room full of nosy reporters. Outside in the lobby, we ran into a breathless ANTM fan who accosted Ms. Cutrone as she was entering the building with pictures of the PR maven on her phone. Ms. Cutrone, without missing a beat, gave the girl a hug and invited her into the screening of the show's premiere.

But of course, don't let anyone know that. It could ruin the Kell on Earth star's reputation for being a formidable fashion figure.

While the two female stars on this special season of ANTM—which features only women pursuing higher education, though Ms. Cutrone tells us that the term was broad enough to include trade schools, so that young women without the means to attend a four-year university would not be excluded—both emphasize that their job on the show is to play a role, the male cast members are a different story.

Fashion blogger (and New York Observer profile subject) BryanBoy is the show's first ever social media liaison: the link between the viewers who now have a vote in the elimination process (à la American Idol) and the judges. The wunderkind repeated his origin story to us: his years spent in a small town in the Philippines, where he would sequester himself in his room and pore over fashion magazines, which were a form of fantasy and escape.

Meanwhile Johnny Wujek, another new face on the show, might be best known as Katy Perry's stylist and BFF, but he wanted us to know that he didn't start out reaching for the stars, but rather as a small-town boy with a big dreams as well. "I grew up outside of Detroit in a small suburb near a lake," Mr. Wujek recalled. "And I was the youngest out of five siblings. I was always obsessed with fashion. Not just the magazine or internet stuff, but the style shows as well. So I knew I needed to get out of there, and I originally moved to Los Angeles to become a writer for this site YourTango. Then I did some modeling, and eventually the stylists would be borrowing the clothes I brought to the set for other male models. I realized, 'Oh, that's what a stylist is. I want to do that.’”

The interesting comparison between BryanBoy and Mr. Wujek versus Ms. Cutrone and Ms. Banks is that while the men are invested in convincing the public that they are "real," that they are the same person when the cameras are rolling as when they aren't, the women are quick to acknowledge that their Cruella performances are just that—performance.

Trying to see if we could perhaps break through the niceties, we asked Ms. Banks if it is difficult to see herself parodied, as in the Family Guy clip in which she screams so long at a contestant that she eventually transforms into a giant lizard and eats the young girl.

http://youtu.be/DP4PrnxcM2A

Ms. Banks's eyes lit up. "Oh my God, my mom loved that Family Guy video," she exclaimed. "She called me up and told me 'They just turned you into Godzilla!"

A while back, Ms. Banks ran into Seth MacFarlane at a dinner party and mentioned  the clip. "He just started apologizing, saying 'I'm so sorry, I'm sorry,’” she laughed. "I told him, 'My mother loves what you did with me.’”

Shia LaBeouf. (Patrick McMullan)

"You're amazing," Shia LaBeouf was heard wooing a young woman last night at the top of McKittrick Hotel, at the after-party for the The Cinema Society and Manifesto Yves Saint Laurent screening of Lawless. "You're incredible. You're an astronaut!"

"Did Shia just call that lady an astronaut?" a friend of The Observer asked, confused. If everyone was a tad difficult to understand, we understood, as Lawless had also starred a marble-mouthed Tom Hardy doing an American accent. The actor was regrettably absent from the screening--he was shooting Mad Max in Australia, we were told--which ruined our chances of doing our spot-on Bane impression for him. His loss.

Instead, we called over the hyper-maniac, hyper-masculine Mr. LaBeouf, whom  Harvey Weinstein had praised earlier in the evening as being the love child of himself, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck.

After all, if it wasn't for Project Greenlight, the early 2000s HBO show that was, in Mr. Weinstein's words, how the trio "gave back" to the young film community after Good Will Hunting, there would be no Shia LaBeouf: the winners of the second season of Hollywood reality contest went on to create The Battle of Shaker Heights, which Mr. Weinstein credited as the Mr. LaBeouf's breakout debut. (He conveniently forgot about Holes, our favorite Shia LaBeouf feature, which premiered several months before Shaker Heights.)

Smoking a cigarette alongside co-star Dane DeHaan, Mr. LaBeouf looked straight out of the ’70s with a beard, brown suit and long hair pulled tightly into a bun. Whenever he spoke, he would rock up and down on the balls of his feet, as if getting ready to sprint away at a moment's notice.

Since Mr. Hardy commanded so much of the film with his mumblecore performance, we asked if Lawless was shot before or after The Dark Knight Rises.

"Before. The shoot was about nine and a half weeks," Mr. LaBeouf replied in a surprisingly deep voice. "Tom was in the middle of bulking up ..."

"He hadn't gained that last 20 pounds of fat yet," Mr. DeHaan joked.

"Ha! Right, exactly. You know what I loved about his character in The Dark Knight?" Mr. LaBeouf asked. "I loved that he was too big to be sexy," he said, increasing the speed of his bouncing. "You know, like he literally had too many muscles to be attractive, so he was just scary. That's how it should be done!"

Mr. LaBeouf then zipped off to admire several other non-astronauts.

Beyoncé's World Humanitarian Day performance (Cliff Watts)

"Who doesn't love World Humanitarian Day?" actress Julia Stiles asked rhetorically as we rubbed shoulders with VIPs in a roped-off, sequestered area of the United Nations. (Though it's not as if there is some area of the UN that is not sequestered or roped-off.) We were mingling in the small atrium before being filed in to the General Assembly, where we were to watch none other than Beyoncé perform and shoot a video for her song, "I Was Here," the official song for WHDay, August 19th.

Ms. Stiles told us that she and her friend had plans to celebrate the important day in their own way.

"We want to start a worldwide hootenanny!" Ms. Stiles exclaimed, giggling.

Her friend laughed, nodding her head to indicate that this was a for-real thing that the two of them had actually discussed.

"A worldwide hootenanny," we mused. "Now, would that involve jug bands?"

"I guess that depends on what part of the world you're living in," Ms. Stiles replied.

For those who don't know, World Humanitarian Day, celebrated on every August 19th, was created to recognize and honor those working in humanitarian efforts, and those who have lost their lives doing so—specifically the 22 people who died in the bombing of the Baghdad UN headquarters in 2003.

"Are you excited to see Beyoncé?" a young woman asked us. "She's so nice. One time she showed up—completely random!—with a bunch of carolers at my dad's Christmas party."

We hoped we weren't imposing, we said, but would this lady mind telling us who her father was? He who was able to get Beyoncé to perform at a holiday gala?

"Oh, his name is Edgar Bronfman," Hannah Bronfman replied. "He was kind of a big deal in the music business for a while, but now he's kind of a recluse. That Beyoncé thing was definitely not the norm in our house."

Neither was this a normal Friday night at the United Nations, as Anderson Cooper noted when he took the stage to bring on the evening's guests. "Unfortunately, you won't be seeing me dance to 'All the Single Ladies,'" Mr. Cooper quipped. "You''ll have to come back next Friday for that."

That night, the crowd was introduced to several humanitarian workers for brief Q&A, from the UN's Valerie Amos to Erin Dinan, founder of "One Sandwich at a Time."

But the real shining star of the evening was, of course, Beyoncé, who appeared on stage wearing a twinkling white dress, the walls surrounding her turning into an IMAX explosion as she sang "I Was Here." Suddenly we were transported to Africa, then Asia, then many other locations in the world as giant pins popped up on screen, reminding us that someone, indeed, had been here.

David Droga, whose ad agency Droga5 worked with the United Nations to put on the evening's show, as well as the upcoming Humanitarian Day's "I Was Here" campaign, which will feature the infamous Thunderclap technology to sync supporters' tweets come August 19th, said that he was impressed by the Beyoncé booking.

"They told us to shoot for the moon," the director told us after the event.

They may have missed that celestial body, but they landed an even bigger star instead.

Jitney Swag bag

"This is for you," our young blonde seatmate told us, nodding to a black tote bag reading "I <3 RTR (RentTheRunway.com)" sitting on our seat. It was Sunday afternoon, and we had just finished cramming our luggage into the overhead bin of the crowded South Hampton Jitney headed back to New York City.

"That's not ours," we said defensively, lest we be forced to put some items underneath the bus. (The Jitney rivals only JetBlue for their inflexibility toward carry-ons.)

"No," our companion for the next two hours told us. "It's a freebie. Everyone gets one."

The Jitney is giving out swag? We must be on the wrong bus. But no, this was not the Ambassador. It was just the regular Jitney. (You could tell because the WiFi wasn't working and no one offered us free wine.)

We greedily pawed opened our bag, sponsored by  to see what kind of goodies awaited us:

• A sample-size portion of Aged White Cheddar Pirate's Booty with Spongebob Squarepants on the front.

• A box of Vita CoCo Coconut Water, which is as abundant as regular water in the Hamptons.

• A $50 gift certificate for RentTheRunway.com, which we immediately used because we have no self-control and really wanted that Lilly Pulitzer summer dress.

• A gift certificate for a free bottle of BlowPro Beach Blow Texturizing Mist hair, redeemable at any Drybar.

• Lancôme Cosmetics' Juicy Tubes lip gloss in what appeared to be "Bubblegum."

• Esprit d'Oscar perfume from Oscar De Lorenta: .02 oz.

The Hamptons, for all intents and purposes, is no longer a destination but an event. And like any good fundraiser or launch party, you get a bag full of goodies just for leaving at a reasonable time.

Jessica Biel at Total Recall screening (Andrew Toth/Patrick McMullan)

"To call the remake of Total Recall a movie is like saying that watching your brother play Call of Duty qualifies as a cinematic experience," The Observer preached to a small cluster of friends as we made our way from the Chelsea Cinema screening to No. 8 for the after party.

In fact, the movie had been one of the worst things we'd ever seen...to call it a film is really giving it too much justice; the entire 118 minutes was made up of Colin Farrell trading machine fire with a bunch of droids from I, Robots on the Death Star while occasionally mumbling "But I don't even know who I am."

We hated to say it, but Arnold did it better.

"Oh yeah, and what was up with the leader of the rebellion? It was just some old guy," Twilight's Chaske Spencer sighed. (In fact, no spoilers, but don't be looking for any "Quaid, start the reactor!" moments out of this almost-silent film.)

"God, that was Bil Nighy," We shook our head over the wasted talent in the movie: Mr. Nighy, Bryan Cranston, the Asian guy from Harold and Kumar...

"Hah, the science guy?"

"No, that's Bill Nye...this was the guy from the third Pirates of the Caribbean," we said, because we know a lot about great films.

"Oh, he was awesome in that," another friend responded.

"He was a talking octopus in that," we said. "But yes, it was a much better role."

Even Recall's star Jessica Biel seemed embarrassed to be involved in Recall, showing up late to the screening and leaving the theater two minutes after the movie started. Nor was she to be found at the after party, though we did literally bump into Vivica A. Fox at the bar, who mistook our hips hitting each other as a sign that we were dancing.

"Yeah, get down girl!" the actress encouraged, shaking like a maraca. We used the opening to ask her what she had thought of the film.

"Absolutely loved it!" she effused. "Just a really great action film."

Teen nymph Sami Gayle gave practically the same response, though we gave her a pass because she was too young to have seen the original. (And if that didn't make us feel old and creepy, the fact that we noticed that she had her braces removed sure did.)

Kathleen "Kick" Kennedy eyed us warily before telling us that she also loved the movie. Were we in bizarro land? Had anyone else actually watched that thing?

Finally, her Newsroom co-star Thomas Matthews revealed the problem. "I loved the movie," he said dutifully. When we asked how that was humanely possible, the mop-top actor shrugged.

"You never know who you're talking to at these things," he said. "If you ask me how the movie was, you might be working for their publicity department."

Very clever, Mr. Matthews. We asked him what it was like to work with Aaron Sorkin.

"It's great," he replied, automatically sliding back into positive sound-byte mode. "He really takes time with each of us on set. And we're actually going over to his house on Sunday to watch the new episode!"

Hey, even Sorkenese is better than sitting through the mind-numbing sludge of Recall.

'Domestic Affairs' by Bridget Siegel

"I think people in politics will find...similarities to people they know," former Kerry-Edwards campaign finance director Bridget Siegel told VelvetRoper at a party Tuesday night for her debut novel, Domestic Affairs. A mixture of socialites and political heavyweights had gathered at the penthouse of Dream Downtown to celebrate the D.C. insider's book, about a young woman who becomes the finance director for a handsome Southern governor with whom she ends up having an affair.

Good thing it's fiction, or else we might have another Rielle Hunter expose on our hands. As is, the leaking of the book's contents has lead to some raised eyebrows.

We had just finished asking the dark-haired beauty (who said D.C. is New York for ugly people?) if the book was a thinly-veiled biography of her time working with John Edwards.

"It's a compilation of people, and of stories I've heard," Ms. Siegel replied enigmatically.

Domestic Affairs was published by the Weinstein Brothers book imprint, Weinstein Books, and it's clear that this scintillating story could easily be adapted to a film. Unfortunately, the brothers were no-shows that evening, though other big names were scattered about: Gov. Mario Cuomo (who left early with his wife), fashion stylist Mary Alice Stephenson, Public Advocate Bill de Blasio, Melissa Berkelhammer, producer Jane Rosenthal, Emma Snowden-Jones, jewelry queen Gabrielle Fialkoff, William J. Clinton Foundation's Lee Dugger, and hotelier Sant Chatwal.

So with all the big names around, we had to ask Ms. Siegel how Obama's fundraising parties stacked up to previous candidates.

"I think Obama's team is working really hard, round the clock," she said. "And it's great that the fashion world getting involved (in fundraising), they're a really important part of the buisness sector," Ms. Siegel said.

Ms. Berkelhammer had a different theory on why the Obama fundraisers in New York brought out the big names. "I think some people pretend to be Democrats because the parties are better," the social scenester confided.

We found Mr. de Blasio...an easy task because he towered over the rest of the room. His connection to Ms. Seigel went weigh back. "She claims I gave her her first serious job on The Hill, working on the Hillary Clinton campaign in 2000, which I think gives me too much credit," the possible mayoral candidate told VelvetRoper. "I'm just so proud of her."

As for the parties' parties?

"I'm too biased," Mr. de Blasio said. "I've been to so many wonderful events thrown by Democrats, and I think they reflect the energy and diversity and creativity of the Democratic party. And obviously a lot of folks in the cultural world are connected to the Democratic party. So we definitely throw the better parties."

We asked Mr. de Blasio to weigh in on the end of presidential candidates' recent fundraising period: was the probability that Romney would come out with more (way more) cash in his coffers mean that he'd win the election?

"No, I mean the president has done a lot in his term, that's going to be the biggest factor. By no means is money the biggest determent," Mr. de Blasio said, taking to our baited question heartily. "I'm extremely worried by the way money is playing a bigger role in the process ever since the Supreme Court decision two years ago for Citizen United. There are tons of examples of money not being the biggest determining factor, the best being in 2010 when Meg Whitman ran against Jerry Brown for Governor of California, outspends him by $30 million, and still loses."

"So Obama wins because of Obama's track record."

Mr. de Blasio's theory was the general consensus for the evening as well.

"Obama will win, but fundraising will be a real uphill battle because of the Super PACS," Ms. Siegel advised, being an expert on such matters.

"There's a minimum amount of money you need to get your message out there, but once you pass that threshold, it's clear that it's not the person with the most dollars who wins," New York State Assemblyman Brian Kavanaugh told us. "It's the one who best connects with people."

And how better to connect to people than with a party?

The men of Bridgehampton: Nick Manifold, Marco Mattiacci, Nacho Figureas, Peter Brant, and Jason Binn (Patrick McMullan)

As we drove up to the white tents of the Bridgehampton Polo Club this Saturday, we wondered if we had accidentally arrived early. Where were the billions of cars that were supposed to be tailgating during the kickoff to the Hamptons equivalent of a pro football game? We had heard that Peter Brant's annual event was as close to a mosh party as the jet-set tolerated.

"The teams can't play today. The ground is too wet," Mr. Brant told us when we finally caught up to the club's founder. He didn't seem particularly put out about this turn of bad luck as he laughed and posed with polo star and Ralph Lauren model Nacho Figueras, whom Mr. Brant had teamed up with to present the 16th season at Bridgehampton. Ferrari was co-sponsoring the event, because...something about horsepower, maybe?

Nearby, Niche Media Holdings founder and former CEO Jason Binn was discussing his latest endeavor: Du Jour, a "multi-platform luxury lifestyle magazine" which would be launching next month. (The publication will be co-sponsored by Gilt Groupe, natch.)

Also in attendance was superstar entertainment lawyer Paul Schindler, who introduced himself as the man who helped co-found Def Jam with Russell Simmons, Live Nation chair Ron Delsener, Dina Lohan, looking lost until she spotted Animal Fair's Wendy Diamond (whose dog's recent nuptials went splendidly), along with the gilded group of Sharon Bush, Stefano Tonchi, and Hamptons Magazine's Samantha Yanks (whose publication had its own designated lounge area). Former Housewife Kelly Bensimone and current Housewife Countess Luann de Lesseps also stopped by for the opening ceremonies, though it must be noted that neither were provided with their own Bravo-sponsored lounge. Apparently it still pays off to work in publishing.

"It used to be like a giant concert," social fixture Melissa Berkelhammer told us while we searched in vain for some food that didn't come in miniature form. (The Grey Goose was flowing freely, and combined with the intense sun, we were starting to feel a little bit nauseous.)

"Actually, no, it used to be really posh," she amended. "Then (Noah Tepperberg's) Strategic Group took over and it became this big party, where everyone was really drunk and it was super packed.* This year it's back to being more high society people." According the The New York Post, this year's VIP list had been slashed from 2,000 to 500 after Mr. Brant bought out former partner Neil Hirsch.

Publicist Liz Derringer sniffed. "Well, with a guest list this tight, who is left to write about?"

It is true that few of the bold-faced names Page Six had promised would be in attendance--Christie Brinkley, Howard and Beth Stern, Ms. Yanks, Lisa Simonsen, Donna Karan, and Russell Simmons--actually made it to the kickoff. (Perhaps the others were warned ahead of time that there weren't going to be any games that afternoon.)

We had heard rumors of a tightened guest list, but the reality of what that meant didn't hit home until we witnessed it firsthand. A burly security guard blocked the entryway to the tents, gruffly expelling a group of dapper young gentlemen because they were wearing the wrong colored wristbands. "Yellow is for tailgating only," he told the embarrassed posse.

We asked one partygoer why polo tended to attract more good-looking men than any other sport.

She laughed. "The most good-looking guys? Well, I would say that polo draws a lot of risk-takers. You have a lot of Argentinian and Latin American men, so there's a lot of that rugged, swarthy thing going on."

Be still our beating heart. Now, if only we could watch them play.

*As Melissa Berkelhammer noted in her comment: "I think Strategic did a wonderful job with Polo over the years - the amount of press and placement that they received was unprecedented. No one way of planning the event is "better" than the other - just different, and appeals to different tastes. And I'm a tad older now, so I tend to prefer things that are produced on a smaller scale."

Cheech Marin in front of a Margaret Garcia painting at ArtHamptons (Patrick McMullan)

Friday at dusk, Cheech Marin--better known as the Mexican half of the 70s stoner comedy duo Cheech and Chong--cut into his 66th birthday cake. It was of the chocolate variety, with six joints on top as candles. There was some speculation amongst the crowd as to whether those are actual joints, or whether this was a "special" chocolate cake. (Answers: no, the candles were actually twisted Marlboro cigarettes; and also no, it was just delicious.)

Yes, it was a crazy party up at ArtHamptons, an art fair in its fifth year, where Mr. Marin, in addition to celebrating his birthday--sponsored by Hamptons.com--was also being honored as Patron of the Year for his collection of Chicano art (one of the largest in the world), which was on partial display at the Bridgehampton fair. One would assume that Mr. Marin and the beau monde associated with the Hamptons set (and New York art fairs in general) would mix about as well as tobacco and chocolate cake, but the comedian/actor/collector was quite at home in the festival's white tents, where he was selling several pieces of from his collection.

One of the first things Mr. Marin told The Observer: "To separate collectors from the art process is facetious." We made a note to not underestimate the intelligence of Mr. Marin, who, after all, once beat Anderson Cooper on Jeopardy.

"I like art fairs, I like galleries," the television and film veteran told us, smiling broadly at the interruption of a young man who stopped and asked Mr. Marin to pose for a photograph miming smoking a spliff. "It's the museums that are the most glacial of all," he continued, without a break in the flow of conversation. "We have to conquer the museums; they are the final alma mater."

The "facetious" comment was made in response to our questions regarding the controversy surrounding his 2008 exhibition at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art, "Los Angelenos/Chicano Painters of L.A.: Selections From the Cheech Marin Collection." Several critics had slammed Mr. Marin for not providing an all-encompassing history of the art form in the 50 or so collected works he had shown, arguing that single collector exhibits (especially when that collector has a famous name) undermine a "museum's curatorial independence."

"Promotional enthusiasm is not enough justification for an art museum to organize a show," Los Angeles Times art critic Christopher Knight had sniffed in his scathing take-down of the show, noting that Mr. Marin's collection was mostly made up of artists he discovered himself. Describing the Chicano style of his collection as "Mexican art meets pop culture," Mr. Marin's telling of the LACMA dust-up was more about race than it was about how many people curated the exhibit.

"What could be more American than the melding of pop art with another culture's heritage?" he asked rhetorically in front of two murals by L.A. graffiti artist "Werk." Based on a series of Huffington Post essays on the same topic, Mr. Marin is in the middle of writing a book about the overwhelming Latino presence in the arts that has so far been given little attention. The book's title is We Have You Surrounded, We Come in Peace.

"You can stand in front of a lava flow," Mr. Marin mused, speaking again to the stodgy museum culture. "But why would you want to?" Mr. Marin plans to build a Chicano presence in these cultural landmarks the same way everyone does. "We'll buy our way in," he announced proudly. "We'll be those donors whose names you see on the plaques."

In the meantime, he's more than happy to bask in the accolades of the somewhat-more-thawed Hamptons scene, which has welcomed him and his wife, Natasha Rubin, a classical pianist who will be playing Carnegie Hall later in the summer and was soon traveling to Australia to perform.

Ultra Violet

Though it was a day before the real crowds arrived--Mr. Friedman expected a record-breaking 30,000 visitors the next day, all making the pilgrimage out to the fair's new location in the Sculpture Fields of Nova’s Ark--by Friday evening the word had already spread. Hamptons Magazine's EIC Samantha Yanks chatted near Mr. Marin, while artists Jenna Lash and Wanda Murphy, whose work would be exhibited the next day at The Bego Ezair Gallery mingled amongst the crowd that included Elaine Sargent, Jonathan Goldberg, Unik Ernest, Elizabeth Derringer, and ArtHamptons president Rick Friedman.

Lisa Jack held court in her booth, unveiling all of the photos from her 1980 shoot with President Barack Obama, the most infamous of which made it onto the cover of Time magazine. (Perhaps in a nod to Mr. Marin, Ms. Jeff's photos had quite a few of the POTUS toking on... something.)

"Can you believe," she exclaimed in half-outraged/half-bemused tones, "my editor at the time hated these pictures? He said the composition was terrible." We decided not to point out to the proud photographer that it was President Obama as a subject, not her lighting technique, that had generated so much buzz about her work.

Former Warhol superstar Ultra Violet (aka Isabelle Collin Dufresne) gave us a sneak-peak of her sculpture commissioned for the 9/11 Memorial Museum: a metallic structure of purple numerals that she wouldn't let us leave until we guessed what the numbers tallied up to. (It was obviously "IX XI," but we were a little slow after all that chocolate cake.)

Also in attendance was Jason McCoy, nephew of Jackson Pollock, whose centennial ArtHamptons is honoring. He is planning a larger retrospective of his uncle's work in his New York galleries later this year, though when asked if Ed Harris would be involved (he directed and starred in the 2000 biopic Pollock, and two Pollock replicas painted by Mr. Harris for the film were being shown in an ArtHamptons exhibit), he replied tersely, "No Ed Harris. We just have the paintings."

Like a little celebrity glamor ever undermined the artistic value of an art show. Didn't Mr. McCoy know that only museums are too good for Hollywood?

Julio Gaggia begins his week-long performance at BoConcepts in Chelsea (Patrick McMullan)

"I am very inspired by Marina Abramovic," 26-year-old Venenezualan artist Julio Gaggia told The Observer yesterday as he prepared for his life in the fishbowl of Chelsea's BoConcept store. The young man would be slightly tweaking the "live-in" performances of Ms. Abramovic, including "The Artist is Present" (where she spent 730 hours in a chair at the MoMa, letting people sit facing her and stare into her face), or the much more grueling "Balkan Baroque" for the 1997 Venice Biennale, wherein she spent four days in a broiling basement, cleaning cow bones and weeping.

"Oh shit, someone is drinking my rosé!" He suddenly exclaimed, as friends and gawkers mingled around his new "living" room. He quickly ran to get a glass before it ran out.

Although he may be living in the relative lap of luxury--who among us hasn't imagined just living in one of those prefab rooms at IKEA, a la 500 Days of Summer?-- Mr. Gaggia doesn't expect his performance, "Living Art; Chelsea Boy Apartment," to be easy. There is a webcam placed in the "apartment" storefront, so you can watch his life streamed at all times. Then there are the window-shoppers on 18th St., who are sure to gape at the spectacle of Mr. Gaggia's life through the plexiglass.

Mr. Gaggia plans to live his life as normally as possible: "entertaining friends, photographing, painting, and eating" according to the invitation. He had a small cooler near his bed, filled with Arizona Iced Tea (they were also sponsoring the opening night party), and when asked about food, he shrugged and replied, "It's called delivery."

We were planning to ask Mr. Gaggia about what he planned to do about...you know...bodily functions, when Patrick McMullan appeared at our side.

"Julio! Strip down on the bed! I need some pictures of you jumping around without clothes on your new bed!" The photographer demanded. Mr. Gaggia blushingly demurred, saying he's need more alcohol first.

Which reminded us: Mr. Gaggia is the boyfriend of famed plastic surgeon Mark Warfel. How would they...you know...be intimate?

"People will only see movement under the covers," Mr. Gaggia replied, clearly embarrassed by the line of questioning.

For someone so demure in person, Mr. Gaggia's art--which he kept rearranging around his new "apartment"--was shockingly candid. A man (possibly the artist) sucking on a penis-shaped ice-pop, close-ups of male models' faces, and a woman holding a tissue up to her nose in a way that suggested the staunching of a nose bleed.

Niki and Shaokao Cheng, owners of eight BoConcept stores in the city, proudly greeted guests. Obviously, this would be good for business, but more importantly, it was art.

"This is a very unique idea, and we're happy to be a part of it," Ms. Cheng said. The phrase "free advertising" was never uttered.

The eclectic guest list included Warhol Factory alum Susan Blond, Alliance for the Arts President Randall Bourscheidt, "Gatsbaby" Tabber Benedict, actresses Adele Thibodeaux and Cassandra Seidenfeld, Ms. New York 2012 Leah Vartos, artist Ross Bleckner, plastic surgeon Dr. Matthew Kaufman, and Elie Tahari's digital editor Natalie Zfat.

Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig at Shut Up and Play the Hits. (Andrew Toth/PatrickMcMullan.com)

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Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbach are indie Hollywood's worst kept secret. The duo have been "quietly dating" since September--only one year after his divorce from Jennifer Jason Leigh--but their names rarely appear together in gossip columns.

On several occasions--most noticeably at the Cinema Society screening of Whit Stillman's Damsels in Distress--we've actually witnessed Mr. Baumbach sliding out of pictures when photographers try to shoot the Greenberg director with his star.

But no longer! They've finally been photographed together--at a Peggy Siegal event, no less!-- with Mr. Baumbach's hand on Ms. Gerwig's neck.


Last night, at the after party for Oscilloscope Laboratories' Shut Up And Play The Hits: The Very Loud Ending of LCD Soundsystem, the couple (who have a 14 year age difference between them) finally allowed themselves to pose as a couple.

That's always the next stage in the relationship, isn't it? First comes the uncredited Wiki source, then some photos followed by denials, a brief mention in The New York Times, and then moving in together the hand on the neck!

Neither Ms. Gerwig's or Mr. Baumbach's representatives were available to comment on the nature of the duo's relationship.

Update: Ms. Gerwig's rep gave The Observer the ol'  "no comment" line about her current relationship status, despite The New York Times's confirmation.