Anna Wintour, Diane von Furstenberg, Oscar de la Renta and Sarah Jessica Parker

Quelle chance that the venerable philanthropist and socialite Jean Shafiroff invited The Observer to wine and dine at her table at the David H. Koch Theater for Fashion Institute of Technology’s 2012 Couture Council of The Museum luncheon.  Despite the hefty $1,000-a-head price tag, around 600 guests, including Sarah Jessica Parker, Barbara Walters, Anna Wintour, Simon Doonan, Fe Fendi, Diane von Furstenberg, editrix and realty star Nina Garcia, Carolina Herrera, Mario Buatta, Yaz Hernandez, Martha Stewart, Dennis Basso, Ruben and Isabel Toledo, YUE editor Chiu-Ti Jansen and Mayor Michael Bloomberg, paraded uptown for the ruckus.  FIT’s clout was undeniable with so many powerful New Yorkers packed into the gold-leaf foyer. Truth be told, 2012 Couture Council Artistry of Fashion honoree Oscar de la Renta certainly deserved credit for the monumental turn-out.

The festivities took place early at 11.30a.m., with the sylphlike, the supremely coiffed, and the magnificently nipped-and-tucked sloshing back glasses of rosé and chardonnay. It was a bit too early for The Observer, but we took in the self-appreciating, Fashion Week crowd with great enjoyment. Kisses and posing were promptly cut short, as the Couture Council committee and organizers ushered the aristocrats and fashion frenzy to their tables.

Then a few speeches that went largely ignored and lunch was served.

“I don't know where this was swimming early,” grumbled one guest, poking at some nondescript white fish. “The Hudson river!” he suggested, answering his own query, “It's a boring plate.”

Since no one exactly gobbled down the cuisine—it’s not de rigueur in these circles—the program seemed to move along swiftly.

Mayor Bloomberg, who presented Mr. de la Renta with the 2012 Artistry of Fashion Award, started with a series of well placed jokes about his fashion status to warm up the crowd, before acknowledging the legendary Mr. de la Renta.

“Oscar is more than a fashion visionary... You can't swing a stiletto without hitting one... I'm his biggest fan,” the mayor said. “His clothes have been to more award shows than Meryl Streep.”

After a standing ovation, the CFDA Lifetime Achievement Award winner took the stage to accept his award from the mayor.

“I live in the best city, in the best country,” began Mr. de la Renta.

“I'm so proud to be here today with so many of my friends who have been important to my career. I love what I do.”

The 80-year-old designer who left his native Dominican Republic to study in Spain, has held leading roles at Balenciaga, Lanvin, Balmain and Estée Lauder, before beginning his eponymous label to critical and financial success. Today, his designs are coveted by editors, starlets and the mega-rich alike.

“Fashion is not really about what I did but what I'm doing now," Mr. de la Renta concluded, “I've been at it 50 years and I'm still leaning.”

Sure, the room was jam-packed with stars eating shrimp cocktail: Ms. von Furstenberg herself, husband Barry Diller, Tina Brown, Fran Lebowitz, Diane Sawyer, Lauren Bush, Debra Winger, Oprah(tm), and, just for funsies, Jessica Alba. But the evening, sponsored by the Diller-von Furstenberg Family Foundation to honor five women from around the globe who had "demonstrated leadership, strength, and courage in their respective fields," added an air of levity to the proceedings that might have been lacking at the Independent earlier in the week.

That didn't mean there wasn't some schmoozing to be done. We found ourselves seated at a table made up almost entirely of Newsweek/Daily Beast employees--which makes sense, since Newsweek co-sponsers the event--and when Tina Brown rushed over to spill that she was wearing the same dress as *whisper whisper undecipherable name*, we seized our chance. "We'll switch dresses with you Tina!" we generously offered the media mogul. We would even throw in our lovely Occulter jewelry with our borrowed Gemma Kahng dress if she wanted. Ms. Brown soundlessly laughed and shook our hand as she declined (boo! We wanted changing room stories with Tina Brown!), managing to crush almost every single bone in her mighty grip. Nursing our throbbing appendage in ice, we tried to get some sympathetic gossip from our table-mates. Who dared to show up wearing Ms. Brown's grey flowered frock. They were tight-lipped about the offending party, but did offer condolences.

"Did she shake you with her left hand or right?" Asked one writer.

We thought it was her right hand.

"Weird, she's left-handed." That's right: Tina Brown crushed us with her bad hand. (Then again, she keeps breaking her left.)

Once the show began, we were a little shocked to see how many people stayed on their cell phones and texted while honoree Chouchou Namegabe from Vital Voices described in graphic detail a recent gutting of a seventh-month pregnant woman in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Come on guys, Angry Birds can wait. (Then again, maybe we were just bitter: our phone had died on the way over.)

Of course, when Ms. von Furstenberg introduced Oprah, who was receiving an award as well as giving one to Ms. Dugard, all cell phones immediately went into recording mode.

Earlier in the evening, we heard an overwrought assistant complaining that Ms. O had wanted her speech changed at the last moment, but when you're dealing with Oprah, it doesn't matter if you know how the sausage was made. When she began to talk about the 18 years Ms. Dugard had spent being held in captivity after being abducted at age 11, we admit our eyes had begun to water. By the time the now 31-year-old came up on stage and hugged Oprah, we were openly crying that way that makes other people near you at social events mildly uncomfortable. We didn't care. It was Oprah. You're supposed to cry.

After the ceremony, we stood next to a throng congratulating Ms. von Furstenberg, trying to manuever a hello while still fixing our runny mascara. But the Belgian-American designer saw us first.

"Look at you! You are so pretty...you look like a giant tattoo!" The fashion icon declared.

She turned to a group of French women with whom she had been previously conferring, and pointed at us. "Like one big tattoo, yes? So interesting!"

On the way out, we ran into Ms. Brown again, and told her that she needn't have worried: we hadn't seen one person wearing her dress. She made that soundless laugh again and reached out her hand. We winced, and bravely faced another bone-shattering squeeze.

So we guess the moral of the evening--besides the fact that you should never invite Jessica Alba to speak at an event about atrocities against women in third world countries--was that one should never get into an arm-wrestling match with Tina Brown. She will literally crush you.

Diane Von Furstenberg (Getty Images)

How beastly! Tina Brown’s news venture (we can’t still call it a venture after more than a vaguely successful year, can we?), the revamped Newsweek, hosts an awards ceremony as part of its Women in the World Summit. Diane von Furstenberg, noted gay ally, is to present the DVF Awards to five women who’ve helped change the world. The very worthy winners include Oprah Winfrey, of the Oprah Winfrey Network. We simply hope Ms. Brown resists the urge to storm the stage, grab the mike, and declare herself the greatest female trailblazer of all time!

Part of the Women in the World Summit at David H. Koch Theater, Lincoln Center. Contact womenintheworld@newsweekdailybeast.com for tickets and information.